Wednesday, April 17, 2013

WOman in the Mirror

You ever look in the mirror and feel the person staring back at you is a stranger. Somehow mentally and physically I don't recognize myself.
Sometimes I avoid the mirror because I hate to look at myself. I know I know not heathy but then again I've never had a positive body image. I can't remember a time where I celebrated my body and loved it. I've always hated it. And now my self-hate has manifested itself in obesity. Yup I'm obese and it's no need in beating around the bush or dressing it up in a dress bows and ribbons. That is a cold hard fact, one I've been avoiding for a long time.

So you may think this is a pity party of one, but I see it as the first step of many to getting to a more positive place mentally. How? I just admitted that I have a problem and now unfortunately I have to react to that. BUT I'm also being proactive because I already see that this problem has gotten way out of hand but it could be worse.....much worse. 

My biggest fear (or one of them) is to not see my child grow up and leave my husband to be a single parent. I get teary-eyed just thinking about that and at the rate I am going I'm slowly killing myself and helping my inevitable demise.  I know we all must die one day and nobody knows when or how, but as 'Tricia Ann (my Mama) always told me you don't have to help it along... no Ma I don't! 

So here are my steps some I've take and some yet to be taken...

1. Admitting the problem and facing it without excuses (check) 
2. Explore healthy solutions
  • PCOS diva jumpstart (check)
  • Weight Watchers meeting at work (check)
  • Walking 30 mins a day
  • Hit the gym
  • Find and go to a nutritionist that understands my needs
  • Cook more and eat less junk (check...but still a work in progress)
3. Accept the help and support of others
4. ? 

That's all I can think of at the moment but feel free to add. 

For the record I'm proud of myself. This is the first time in my life I've felt somewhat in control of my body and my thoughts. I guess I've always felt like I was drowning in a sea of self-hate, depression and negative thoughts. Since 2007 I've made some big strides in terms of forgiveness and positivity. Now I guess it's time to forgive myself and move forward in a positive and healthy direction for my own peace of mind but more importantly for my family. 

So stay tuned because my transformation begins TODAY!!! 


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