So Close...Yet....

What up!?

So I am officially at the full-term mark of my pregnancy. I am 37 weeks and 3 days. I am also officially exhausted and as such have lost all motivation to get up and come into work. Technically speaking I only have 10 more 8 hour work-days left. I have a few half days but I don't really count those. Either way that seems like a short period of time, but when you're as tired as I am it still seems like an eternity.

Also, this dreaded heartburn doesn't help my cause. I swear for all the heartburn I had with my first pregnancy and now this one, you would think my kids would be wooly mammoths! LJ had very little hair when he was born so I expect much of the same from this brother. It's like no matter what I eat, once I go to sleep....I'm awoken in the middle of the night by crap-ass heartburn! UGH!!

My lil man's 4th birthday is today! I can't believe time has gone by so fast. This time next year I'll be preparing him for Kindergarten! It's crazy! He's such an awesome kid though...I really don't have many complaints about him. I do wish we could've played hookie from work and school and gone to the pool or Chuck E. Cheese. But alas, I have zero leave and I need to be at work as much as possible to get my coins! I guess LJ will have to settle for Sweet Frog with Mom and Dad tonight.

Anyway, I'm kinda hoping I go into labor during the 4th of July weekend. Somehow I think this little boy will be just as stubborn as his brother and I'll go pass my due date. I hope not, but only time will tell.

I'll keep ya posted....lata!!

Just Listen...

I almost feel like I have to re-introduce myself...its been a while but I think I'm going to start spending more time here and less time on Facebook (FB).

I'm starting to realize that perhaps you shouldn't give an open window to your deep and personal thoughts and feelings because you're inviting a lot of people into your mind/spirit. Sometimes I just want to be heard....no commentary necessary....sigh!

Update on Me

My birthday is coming up and I'll be a whopping 33 years young. I used to be so scared of the 30's but its not so bad. I've done a lot of growing and letting people go and honestly, I would like to think I'm a better person for it.

Update on Peanut

Peanut is my baby's in-utero name. Peanut is 24 weeks old (25 on Friday) and is growing steadily. Peanut's doing a lot of hiccuping as of late...poor baby :) While I do know Peanut's gender, I've only chosen to share it with family and those closest to me. Everyone else will find out once the shower invites go out! :)

Update on LJ

LJ is growing up so fast its amazing...I kinda want him to slow down a bit. I guess I will always see him as my baby. But my baby is going to be 4 years old in June...wow! I'm praying he gets a lottery slot and can go to our neighborhood Montessori school for free! I just dread paying another year of glorified and sub-par babysitting...or what many call daycare.

LJ will be playing T-ball in the coming months...hopefully he'll take a liking to it. If not, we tried. I can't wait to see him in his little T-ball uniform....too cute!!!

Mmmmkay that's it for now. Take it light people! :)

It's Potty Training Time!

So my one and only baby turned two years old about a month ago. He had an awesome time at Watkins Regional Park riding the carousel and the train. In fact ever since then every once and a while he'll "toot, tooooot!"

I told myself that once this lil boy turned two that diapers were over for him. As such I've been slowly building up a supply of Huggies and Pampers Pull-ups. Well our diaper supply ran out about a week ago and L.J.'s been in pull-ups ever since. Well so far its not going very well. He really doesn't like to use the potty. I'll ask him every 10 mins or so "do you have to go to the potty? or Do you have to pee pee?" His answer most of the time is "Noooo." Every once in a while he'll answer with this: "Pee-pee, pee-pee" or "Potty, potty." I later realized that if he's saying/answering me with that he's pee-peeing as we speak! #ugh

I have caught him a few times trying to make a poop in his diaper. Of course I immediately scooped him up and place him on the potty. Needless to say he didn't like this and held it (as long as he could anyway...which wasn't very long) and wined.

I know boys are supposedly harder to potty train but I'm sorry I refuse to be the Mom with the 3-year old in diapers! #hellno So, any advice, books, etc. I should be looking into please help a mama out and send them my way! I know what works for one child may not work for another but I'd like to start trying different things in hopes that by early next year L.J. will be 90% (or more) potty trained.

Shoool (School)

So in T-minus 2 weeks and 6 days L.J. will begin school at Rising Generations. I've heard nothing but good things about this place so I'm very excited! My only real negative so far is uniforms for a 2 year old. I think a uniform at this age is doing a bit much, especially for potty training purposes (pants with buttons and zippers). But that's the rule so we gotta go with that. However, despite my opinion about the uniforms, I think L.J. definitely could benefit from being around kids his own age. I'm also hoping this potty training will be in full effect once he starts. I'll keep ya posted though! 

WOman in the Mirror

You ever look in the mirror and feel the person staring back at you is a stranger. Somehow mentally and physically I don't recognize myself.

Frustrated Pt II: PCOS the Thief of Womanhood

Definition: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS): Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes.


Causes, incidence, and risk factors: It is not completely understood why or how the changes in the hormone levels occur. The changes make it harder for a woman's ovaries to release fully grown (mature) eggs.  Normally, one or more eggs are released during a woman's period. This is called ovulation. In PCOS, mature eggs are not released from the ovaries. Instead, they can form very small cysts in the ovary.

These changes can contribute to infertility. The other symptoms of this disorder are due to the hormone imbalances.

Most of the time, PCOS is diagnosed in women in their 20s or 30s. However, it may also affect teenage girls. The symptoms often begin when a girl's periods start. Women with this disorder often have a mother or sister who has symptoms similar to those of polycystic ovary syndrome.

Symptoms: Changes in your period (menstrual cycle), no period after you have had one or more normal ones during puberty (secondary amenorrhea), irregular periods, that may come and go and may be very light to very heavy. PCOS can cause you to develop male-like characteristics. This is called virilization. Symptoms include: body hair growing on the chest, belly, face, and around the nipples, decreased breast size, thinning of the hair on the head, called male-pattern baldness, deepening voice, acne that gets worse, dark or thick skin markings and creases around the armpits, groin, neck and breasts. 

So based on the above information I don't think I have to explain why so many have dubbed this disorder the "Thief of Womanhood." Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2009. What seemed like a life-sentence in infertility jail, the Lord blessed my husband and I with a beautiful baby boy in 2011. I love him to life. He is truly a miracle.

However, I still battle daily with the effects of PCOS....extreme weight gain, facial hair, and lack of energy. Well....I may have PCOS but it doesn't have ME! I will no longer be a victim instead I'm gonna be a VICTOR!

As I begin my journey to controlling my disorder and not letting it control me I just ask for your prayers. The journey is going to be hard but at the end of it I know I'll be a better person mentally and physically. So wish me luck and I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Ready...set...GO!

Frustrated Pt. I: The Job

Even though I feel very blessed to have a job, family, friends, etc., I can't help but feel a little frustrated. So this post is basically me venting....not being negative just venting. Can't deal? Please feel free to leave and read some of my happier posts. I won't be offended. :)

So I've been at the job a little over a month and it's not exactly what I thought it was going to be. While I still believe this job to be a great opportunity for me to learn and grow, I'm not sure I can see myself being here more than 1-1.5 years. Apparently, I have a reputation for being a job hopper. Mind you however, I was at my last full-time perm gig for 3 years. Most recruiters I spoke with thought that was a sizable amount of time so not sure where my rep of being a job jumper is coming from but whatevs....

Anyway, I'm frustrated because I thought I was finally on a path to a great career but now I'm not so sure. Is it this job or maybe its journalism just isn't for the kid. I'm so eclectic and its a gift and a curse. Hubby suggested that I just do a trial and error with various jobs and give it at least 1-2 years to "try it out" so to speak and if I don't like it then move on. Well that's cool I guess but I know at some point I'm going to have to buckle down and decide what the heck I want to do.

Meanwhile the thought of becoming my own boss has been on my mind a lot lately. I knew a long time ago (back in high school to be specific) that I wanted to start my own business. Unfortunately, the business I wanted to start has been done over and over again so I don't think there's much of a market for it anymore. Which leads to another question....if I want to own my own business what type of business will it be???? Ugh! I have so many questions and so very little answers that it has FRUSTRATED me! Am I alone? I know there has got to be someone around my age that feels the same way right?

Anyway, I'm going to pray for some answers and in the mean time do my best with the new gig. I am striving to be like a sponge at work and soak up everything.

Until next time peeps!

My Set-Back, My Set-Up and My Breakthrough

Hello followers! I have a testimony I'd like to share. Have you ever thought or even imagined that all things that happen to you in life work together for a positive outcome in the end? Yes I'm summarizing a Biblical passage (Romans 28:8) and I know to some of you this may seem idealistic but it's true, real, and a promise. Follow me for minute while I share with you my story, my testimony.

My Set-Back

In July 2012 I found myself unemployed. However, I was happy that I didn't have to return to a place where I was no longer happy or growing. My happiness was short-lived as I began to wonder how in the world I was going to pay my bills without a job. Luckily I had some savings to fall back on but that was not going to last forever....what the hell was I gonna do?! Well I decided this type of situation was out of my hands so I gave it to the Lord and I focused on enjoying my days at home with my child. I guess you could say I became a temporary stay at home mom.

Being a stay at home mom whether temporarily or permanently is a tall order. I enjoyed the ride but I knew at some point it was best for me to get off and resume my life as a working mom and wife. While at home I applied to several jobs and went on several interviews and while this within itself was a blessing, nothing was breaking through for me. With no job offer on the table and only one more month left of money, I began to feel hopeless.

My Set-Up

After a failed attempt to seek employment through temp agency...let's call it EC I was very hesitant to trust another temp agency. To me they were making grandiose promises and not doing jack! However not really having a choice I kept applying to jobs through a temp agency called Profiles. When Profiles called me asking me would I be interested in a position with Johns Hopkins University as a Web Content Specialist, I told them sure and asked them to send me the job description. I was put in touch with the hiring manager and had a very brief phone and in-person interview. The days following I was on pins and needles waiting for the phone call but when I got it, it was AWESOME news! I got the job! As always the Lord was right on time as my savings was gone and there was no way I would have been able to pay any of my bills for the following month without a job.

While my time with Hopkins was enjoyable and a most welcome change from my previous environment, I still needed and wanted a full-time position with benefits. Everyday I told myself to be patient and that some how some way God was going to work it out. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned to months and while I was applying for jobs, nothing seemed all that promising. To add insult to injury, Hopkins had not gotten back to me on the status of full-time employment. Starting to feel frustrated at my "gone with the wind" career, all I could do was sigh and carry on.

After searching for jobs on every possible medium you could think of I ran across a position that peaked my interest, however, after reading the job description I thought to myself....I know I can do this job, but my experience doesn't really speak to it so I'm not even going to waste my time. So I kept it moving. Some time passed and I started to reflect on a conversation my husband and I had in which he called me a "tweener" (betweener). Though I didn't like the statement, he had a point. My skill set was very in between...not technical exactly but not a writer/editor either. All this time I thought my mesh of skills was one of my greatest attributes in the work world. But I realized that my skills weren't the problem; my inability to figure out exactly what I wanted and therefore what career path I should be traveling was the real issue. Sigh...but I'm a Gemini....the definition of indecision! Though I cannot see myself doing the same exact thing for 30 + years it was time to grow up and make some decisive decisions.

My Breakthrough

So I made a decision on my career path. Once I did, I felt this relief and sense of direction wash over me. I finally had a career path. I was no longer lost...finally I found myself! What an awesome feeling. With my new found sense of direction, I sought out very specific jobs and applied to them with such urgency I surprised myself. I even went back to that job I thought about applying to but didn't. I applied! Like my hubby always says "you gotta be in the race to win it." Much to my chagrin, the job that I didn't think I would even be considered for, called me! After speaking with a women in the HR dept. she want to bring me in for an interview with the hiring manager. 

My interview day came and I was a little nervous naturally, but I was confident in my skill set and what I felt I could bring to the position. When I left the interview my confidence was completely shattered. I just felt like the hiring manager threw some questions at me which I totally was unprepared for. I held my own, but I just wasn't sure what he really thought of me and my skills.

Feeling a little defeated the day following my interview, I resigned myself to wait and see what Hopkins was going to do. Sometimes you just gotta sit and wait on the Lord so that's what I was determined to do. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything would work out eventually.

Almost a week after my interview I was on my way to work and I noticed that the hiring manager requested to connect with me on LinkedIn. While I thought that was kinda weird, I didn't give it to much thought at the time. Once I got to work I got a phone call around 8:30am, now if you know me, you know I don't answer the phone when I don't recognize a number. Who ever called me didn't leave a message so I Google'd the phone number. The number was to the company I had just interviewed for. Feeling excited and confused I of course like a teenage girl waiting on a boy to call her...sat EAGERLY by my phone and pretended to work. Hours passed and about 15 minutes before I left work I got a voice mail message alert to my email. I quickly grabbed my phone and raced downstairs and stood outside the building to listen to the voice mail. It was the hiring manager offering me the job!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!

Lessons Learned

Overall I'm proud of the strides I made in my path of personal growth. When I lost my job I could have easily gotten depressed and slipped back into my negative self. But I didn't! Why, because I got someone watching my back...GOD! And, being a mom and a wife, I have people depending on me, so there's no time to be sad and depressed over spilled milk. I got up, dusted myself off and cleaned up the milk and hoped that better things were in the works.

When I look back over my life, things always seem to work out for the best. Of course things never really work out the way I expect/plan them to but I've learned that God laughs at our plans. Everything is always in HIS time. And honestly, that's the BEST for us even if we don't always believe it to be so.

If I had to sum up this post with one thought, it would be: hold on and keep praying....things will work out. Even in our darkest hour, those who know the Lord will always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing toward that light. It's worth it!

~Tam