WOman in the Mirror

You ever look in the mirror and feel the person staring back at you is a stranger. Somehow mentally and physically I don't recognize myself.

My Set-Back, My Set-Up and My Breakthrough

Hello followers! I have a testimony I'd like to share. Have you ever thought or even imagined that all things that happen to you in life work together for a positive outcome in the end? Yes I'm summarizing a Biblical passage (Romans 28:8) and I know to some of you this may seem idealistic but it's true, real, and a promise. Follow me for minute while I share with you my story, my testimony.

My Set-Back

In July 2012 I found myself unemployed. However, I was happy that I didn't have to return to a place where I was no longer happy or growing. My happiness was short-lived as I began to wonder how in the world I was going to pay my bills without a job. Luckily I had some savings to fall back on but that was not going to last forever....what the hell was I gonna do?! Well I decided this type of situation was out of my hands so I gave it to the Lord and I focused on enjoying my days at home with my child. I guess you could say I became a temporary stay at home mom.

Being a stay at home mom whether temporarily or permanently is a tall order. I enjoyed the ride but I knew at some point it was best for me to get off and resume my life as a working mom and wife. While at home I applied to several jobs and went on several interviews and while this within itself was a blessing, nothing was breaking through for me. With no job offer on the table and only one more month left of money, I began to feel hopeless.

My Set-Up

After a failed attempt to seek employment through temp agency...let's call it EC I was very hesitant to trust another temp agency. To me they were making grandiose promises and not doing jack! However not really having a choice I kept applying to jobs through a temp agency called Profiles. When Profiles called me asking me would I be interested in a position with Johns Hopkins University as a Web Content Specialist, I told them sure and asked them to send me the job description. I was put in touch with the hiring manager and had a very brief phone and in-person interview. The days following I was on pins and needles waiting for the phone call but when I got it, it was AWESOME news! I got the job! As always the Lord was right on time as my savings was gone and there was no way I would have been able to pay any of my bills for the following month without a job.

While my time with Hopkins was enjoyable and a most welcome change from my previous environment, I still needed and wanted a full-time position with benefits. Everyday I told myself to be patient and that some how some way God was going to work it out. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned to months and while I was applying for jobs, nothing seemed all that promising. To add insult to injury, Hopkins had not gotten back to me on the status of full-time employment. Starting to feel frustrated at my "gone with the wind" career, all I could do was sigh and carry on.

After searching for jobs on every possible medium you could think of I ran across a position that peaked my interest, however, after reading the job description I thought to myself....I know I can do this job, but my experience doesn't really speak to it so I'm not even going to waste my time. So I kept it moving. Some time passed and I started to reflect on a conversation my husband and I had in which he called me a "tweener" (betweener). Though I didn't like the statement, he had a point. My skill set was very in between...not technical exactly but not a writer/editor either. All this time I thought my mesh of skills was one of my greatest attributes in the work world. But I realized that my skills weren't the problem; my inability to figure out exactly what I wanted and therefore what career path I should be traveling was the real issue. Sigh...but I'm a Gemini....the definition of indecision! Though I cannot see myself doing the same exact thing for 30 + years it was time to grow up and make some decisive decisions.

My Breakthrough

So I made a decision on my career path. Once I did, I felt this relief and sense of direction wash over me. I finally had a career path. I was no longer lost...finally I found myself! What an awesome feeling. With my new found sense of direction, I sought out very specific jobs and applied to them with such urgency I surprised myself. I even went back to that job I thought about applying to but didn't. I applied! Like my hubby always says "you gotta be in the race to win it." Much to my chagrin, the job that I didn't think I would even be considered for, called me! After speaking with a women in the HR dept. she want to bring me in for an interview with the hiring manager. 

My interview day came and I was a little nervous naturally, but I was confident in my skill set and what I felt I could bring to the position. When I left the interview my confidence was completely shattered. I just felt like the hiring manager threw some questions at me which I totally was unprepared for. I held my own, but I just wasn't sure what he really thought of me and my skills.

Feeling a little defeated the day following my interview, I resigned myself to wait and see what Hopkins was going to do. Sometimes you just gotta sit and wait on the Lord so that's what I was determined to do. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything would work out eventually.

Almost a week after my interview I was on my way to work and I noticed that the hiring manager requested to connect with me on LinkedIn. While I thought that was kinda weird, I didn't give it to much thought at the time. Once I got to work I got a phone call around 8:30am, now if you know me, you know I don't answer the phone when I don't recognize a number. Who ever called me didn't leave a message so I Google'd the phone number. The number was to the company I had just interviewed for. Feeling excited and confused I of course like a teenage girl waiting on a boy to call her...sat EAGERLY by my phone and pretended to work. Hours passed and about 15 minutes before I left work I got a voice mail message alert to my email. I quickly grabbed my phone and raced downstairs and stood outside the building to listen to the voice mail. It was the hiring manager offering me the job!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!

Lessons Learned

Overall I'm proud of the strides I made in my path of personal growth. When I lost my job I could have easily gotten depressed and slipped back into my negative self. But I didn't! Why, because I got someone watching my back...GOD! And, being a mom and a wife, I have people depending on me, so there's no time to be sad and depressed over spilled milk. I got up, dusted myself off and cleaned up the milk and hoped that better things were in the works.

When I look back over my life, things always seem to work out for the best. Of course things never really work out the way I expect/plan them to but I've learned that God laughs at our plans. Everything is always in HIS time. And honestly, that's the BEST for us even if we don't always believe it to be so.

If I had to sum up this post with one thought, it would be: hold on and keep praying....things will work out. Even in our darkest hour, those who know the Lord will always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing toward that light. It's worth it!

~Tam

Clueless

So its been a while...*Hello All* or should I say "few" as that's how many people actually read my blog. Anyway....

LJ is wreaking havoc on my sleeping...hubby sleeps just fine though...LOL (not really). This little boy can't make up his mind as to weather or not he wants to sleep all night. The first few weeks of his young life he slept thought the night, which was truly a blessing. Then little by little he started waking up once around 4-5 am...again..not too bad. However, as of late, we're lucky if we can get him to sleep in his crib. That baby is good at playing possum. You put him down thinking he's asleep and not even 5 minutes later he's up smiling or screaming. *Sigh* In an effort to get some sort of sleep he gets tucked into the bed with me. Bad habit I know but what else is a Mom to do? *Suggestions Please!!!!*

Oh did I mention today is my second day back at the job??? It's okay but of course I'd rather be at home with my little guy. But in this crap economy we definitely need the duel income. Maybe I should play the lotto :) I could really use 41 million....LOL!

Work is work. I'm just here for my family and that's what keeps me showing up here, on time, ready to get things done. I know better things are on the horizon for me and mine, just gotta hang in there and have faith.

Ilandus Jr. (L.J.'s) Birth Story

It all began around 3:30 pm on Tuesday morning when I woke up totally uncomfortable and slightly in pain. After trying to relieve my bladder for the umteenth time I just stayed up and watched the sunrise turned on the television around 6:00 and watched the news. I fell asleep and woke back up at 8:00 am in serious pain. What I didn't know just yet was that I was having contractions.

Hubby and I started timing contractions around 8:30ish and headed to the hospital after getting the okay from doc around 10:00ish. We got to the hospital triage where I was monitored for about 45 mins. I was told by one of the docs that although I wasn't contracting regularly and was only dilated to 3cm, she would keep me there (my induction date was set for Weds/Thurs) but she wouldn't be able to get me into a labor and delivery room for five hours. *sigh* Further, the doc told me there was no need for me to come into L&D for cervadil to soften my cervix.

Needless to say I was pissed because at this point my contractions were just getting worse and worse and I couldn't imagine holding out til Thursday!!! But having little choice Hubby and I went home and I tried to get some sleep. I slept all of maybe 30 mins to an hour before my contractions became very painful and regular. Hubby and I started timing the contractions around 8:00 pm and headed back to L&D around 10:30. This time they kept me...oh and I was 5 cm!

I got my epidural right away and was instantly comfortable! By this time it was 12:15 am Wednesday morning and I was instructed to get some sleep. Hubby and mom were real troopers and spent the night with me in L&D. My mother in law even showed up later that morning before she headed to work to check on us. Later in the morning I was informed by the nurses that they didn't want to check me any longer because my bag of water was bulging and the doctor had not arrived yet.

So from 12:15 am that morning until about 10:00 am later that morning all anyone knew was I was 5cm. One of my nurses (tired of waiting on the doctor) finally decided to check me and told me I was 9cm (this was at 10:30). When the doctor arrived he broke my bag of water and we discovered the baby made a bowel movement in utero! This is very common but it can also be scary because the baby could aspirate the fluid into his lungs and get a serious infection! So the NICU had to be in the delivery room *sigh* Around 12:00ish I started pushing and an hour later at 1:14 pm my little guy Ilandus Jr. or as we lovingly call him L.J. was born!

L.J. weighed in at 7lbs, 12oz and 20.5 inches long! He wasn't as big as I anticipated him to be (Thank God!). It was love at first sight!

Happy Birthday L.J.!


Finally going home!

L.J. the thinker! :)

Eureka: The Induction Date

So after waiting all weekend --which by the way seemed like an eternity-- I decided to call my doc's office early this morning and not wait on them to contact me...you know take the proactive approach. Needless to say I did not get a desirable outcome. I ended up being left on hold forever and then to add insult to injury I had to leave the woman who sets up the induction dates with the hospital a message. No problem! I definitely intended to call back. :)

About 2-3 hours later I called back and actually spoke with the nice lady and she told me something I definitely didn't want to hear and that was that the hospital was booked this week and had no room for me for my induction! WTF!!! *SCREAM*

So here I am thinking I'd be 42 weeks before anything popped off and I was not happy about that at all! The only reason I didn't burst into immediate tears is my dear sweet Mom telling me to "get over it." LOL! So I did and we proceeded on our journey of attempting to find some wallpaper to finish redecorating our half-bath downstairs in hubby and I's house.

Once I got home an hour or so later I received another phone call from my doctor's office telling me that there was a cancellation and that my induction was scheduled for THIS WEEK! YES!
I am going into the hospital on Wednesday but I won't start any pitocin until early Thursday morning. So the hope is I'll have a June 23rd or 24th birthday celebration for my little guy! Hubby and I were desperately hoping for a Gemini baby since we're both Geminis but unfortunately that just wasn't meant to be.

Of course ultimately the most important thing here is that our little guys is healthy and will be here in a few short days! Thank you Jesus! We are too excited and overjoyed and can't wait to meet him.

Looking like a June Bug After All

So today is my 29th year of life! Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEE! LOL! I guess I better take a nap before Hubby gets home with my cake. I am sooo sleepy these days!

Anyway, after all the cervix worries and everyone predicting that L.J. was going to come on my birthday I am only 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. L.J. is nice and comfy and wants to continue to cook so I guess he'll definitely be a June baby. He hasn't even descended into my pelvis yet (dropped).

I'm a little disappointed because I wanted to meet my lil man soon but since I only have 3 weeks until my due date I can hang in there til then. I want L.J. to come when he's good and ready and not a moment before.

Welp, I'm off to take a nap and get some "me" time in before Hubby gets home and takes me out to celebrate.

Baby Shower/Nursery and Updates (picture heavy)

So I wanted to blog about the baby shower and nursery a couple of days ago but blogger was on the fritz! Anyway, the baby shower was great! Hubby and I really enjoyed ourselves! We had a sports-themed baby shower, which meant people were supposed to wear the jerseys or hats of their favorite sports team. Some participated and some didn't. But overall the event was fun and light-hearted and we received sooooo many gifts!

Here are a few pics:Me in my Redskins gear!

My Sorors


Men sucking juice out of the bottles! Hilarious!

Getting ready to open gifts!


Personalized afghan; absolutely beautiful!

It's reversible! (it says L.J.!)

LOL...our hats! :)

A great time was had by all! Needless to say after all the gifts were transported to the house I had to have plenty of help! My aunt, mom, mother in law and two cousins helped me organize and get everything into the nursery. However, I had to wash ALL the clothes:

Yea! Lots of clothes! Keep in mind that this doesn't include the clothes my mother and I had already started to accumulate at her house. LOL! No matter at least I won't have to go clothing shopping for a while...right?

And now...the long awaited nursery:


Hubby just finished putting together the 2 and 1 swing/bouncer and we finally got the shades up. We're waiting on the rocking chair, lamp and a few small items, but other than that the nursery is finished! Mom, hubby, dad and I all worked so hard to finish everything. I'm so glad the big stuff is done and all that's left to do is very minor.

I had a great doctor's appointment this past Friday. Of course they checked my cervix and because of the cerclage its still closed and of course the cerclage is still in place. This coming Friday is D day for the cerclage. It's coming out! At this point L.J. should be about 5lbs or so and he may make his appearance shortly after the cerclage comes out. Yay!

My doctor informed me that L.J. will be over 6lbs...that's a good size baby! I'm happy as long as he's healthy. My doctor even asked me what my plans were for my birthday (May 27th...I'll be 37 weeks). I asked him sarcastically...."I'm not sure but what should I do doc...lol" He suggested that if I go out that I go out near Holy Cross Hospital which is where I'll deliver. *Sigh* no offense but I want to enjoy my birthday not be couped up in the house! :( It's my LAST birthday in my 20's so I just want to be out on the town with my friends and hubby. But I guess going into labor and having a baby on my birthday would be an awesome gift! :) Either way I haven't made any plans so we'll see what happens.

It's Becoming Real!

So I guess I can't really complain too much anymore! I feel like my hubby and I have accomplished so much this past week, which consequently was his spring break!

Here's a basic rundown on what was done:

Nursery closets FINALLY painted!
Baby mattress cleaned!
Carpets in the house cleaned!
Crib 99.5% complete!
One bathroom painted (one more to go)!
Hospital pre-natal tour complete!
My car trunk was de-cluttered!
50% finished with switching my closets from winter to summer clothes!

I know it doesn't sound like a lot but it truly is! Once my dad comes over today I'll probably ask him to pull out another clothes bin for me so I can finish organizing my clothes. Plus I'll ask him to finish up the crib by installing the footboard.

Of course I took pictures of hubby putting the crib together but I refuse to post any pics until the nursery is complete...which at the rate we're going won't be until after L.J.'s arrival! LOL! No that's not true because that would drive me up a wall! I'm too much of a planner/organizer for that last minute crap! Unfortunately, I know I've been getting on my husband's nerves but he deals pretty well.

Fortunately, for all parties involved (yes I feel like I'm getting on everyone's nerves...lol) there are only a few more things left to do:

Put the dresser in the nursery
Finish organizing the closets in the nursery
Wash all baby items (probably won't do this until after the shower)
Decorate the nursery (again not until after the shower)

So yesterday, it was sooo humid here but hubby and I decided to just utilize the fans in the house since its a little earl y for air conditioning in this area. However, I felt like I was going to pass out so I went to sit downstairs where its like 20 degrees cooler. After coming back upstairs, we decided the air MUST be turned on. I've never felt faint or that hot in my life. So my new rule until I'm postpartum is to stay inside in the air conditioning. Honestly I feel like I cannot regulate my temperature and I don't want to get sick and risk anything happening to myself or my baby boy.

One a happy note, we had our hospital tour last night and it was so informative and exciting to think that in a couple of weeks hubby and I will arrive at the hospital and leave with L.J. in our arms. I'm soooo excited and nervous all at the same time.

Next weekend is my baby shower! FINALLY! I can't wait! I do hope that people purchase items from our registry. I worked so hard on putting them together and I definitely don't want family and friends purchasing clothes! We soooo don't need clothes! LOL! But whatever they purchase I'll just smile and say thank you :)

I Passed!!!

Yes I passed my 1-hour glucose test! So happy I decided to only eat a broiled egg and drink water. I was so not trying to take the 3-hour version of the test. The thought of being stuck with a needle 4 times just does not sit well wit me...I HATE needles! Ugh!

I had yet another great visit this past Friday. Unfortunately, I can't give any stats on the baby because I got a ultrasound tech that was not very chatty, in fact she sucks and I really dread getting her when I go to the doctor. However, I do know that the baby is still head down so that's great news!

Still no real nursery progress...*sigh* I do have a feeling that after the baby shower the nursery renovation will be in full effect.

Baby shower invites are out and so far 27 RSVPs...excited!