Clueless

So its been a while...*Hello All* or should I say "few" as that's how many people actually read my blog. Anyway....

LJ is wreaking havoc on my sleeping...hubby sleeps just fine though...LOL (not really). This little boy can't make up his mind as to weather or not he wants to sleep all night. The first few weeks of his young life he slept thought the night, which was truly a blessing. Then little by little he started waking up once around 4-5 am...again..not too bad. However, as of late, we're lucky if we can get him to sleep in his crib. That baby is good at playing possum. You put him down thinking he's asleep and not even 5 minutes later he's up smiling or screaming. *Sigh* In an effort to get some sort of sleep he gets tucked into the bed with me. Bad habit I know but what else is a Mom to do? *Suggestions Please!!!!*

Oh did I mention today is my second day back at the job??? It's okay but of course I'd rather be at home with my little guy. But in this crap economy we definitely need the duel income. Maybe I should play the lotto :) I could really use 41 million....LOL!

Work is work. I'm just here for my family and that's what keeps me showing up here, on time, ready to get things done. I know better things are on the horizon for me and mine, just gotta hang in there and have faith.

When Your Due Date Comes and Goes

So its June 18th and yes I am still pregnant! I know I should be thankful and feel blessed to even be pregnant and especially to have a healthy baby who is breathing (yup saw it on the ultrasound). But I can't help but feel over it!

I had a good cry yesterday and my hubby is so sweet he comforted me and told me it will be over soon! He also expressed how he understands my frustration and I how I have a right to feel the way I do. This sentiment made me feel so much better! <3 that man!

At any rate, I will be blowing up my doctor's number come Monday so I can get an induction date. Of course going into labor naturally is always a much better option but at this point, I don't see any benefit to my little guy staying in utero furthermore, I'm tired and would like my body back...well somewhat! :)

And the Frustration Sets In...

So I started my maternity leave on the 13th of June (Monday) and not only am I completely bored out of my skull, I'm very frustrated as I thought L.J. would be here by now or I would at least have some serious contractions and be on my way to having him.

Yet I am one day away from my due date and NOTHING has been happening. To add insult to injury I have family and friends calling, texting, etc. daily asking how are you feeling, what's going on, are you still pregnant! UGH! I know they mean well and they are excited to meet our little guy but I'm annoyed!

At this point my biggest fear is that my induction date won't be next week but the following week and I honestly just can't deal with that! I need my baby out in the world now! LOL! I've gone through so much to get to this point and Lord knows I'm blessed and happy to be here but I kinda feel like I've done my part now bring on the baby! LOL. I can't even really enjoy my favorite website The Bump anymore because its filled with birth stories and pictures of babies and all I can think about is....good for you ladies BUT I need my baby now! LMAO!

Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow (on my due date) and I get my last ultrasound. Fingers crossed I get an induction date for next week and we can get this show on the road! Doc seems to think that baby will be about 8lbs and that my labor will go quickly.....all I can say is I hope so!

And now I have to find something to do all day so I'm not bored. Thank God for my parents because if not for them, I'd truly be sitting in the house staring at 4 walls! Gotta love 'em!

Nine Days Left!

Yup so I think my doc cursed me! LOL! He told me that I'd probably be one of those patients that have to be induced, which is ironic because I had a cerclage put in due to a shortening cervix.

My uterus has been very quiet. I do believe I had some minor contractions last Saturday but other than that nothing major is going on! UGH! At this point I'm over being pregnant and the thought of going past my due date is slightly freaking me out!

I'm not getting any sleep, I'm hot all the time and I think I'm coming down with a summer cold! Eek! I just want an outside baby, but apparently L.J. is not ready to make his grand entrance. I'm hoping however at my appointment tomorrow that I'll get an induction date. I really don't want to be induced because I'd like to think my body can do something on its own! But, at least I'll have a final date to look forward to because at this point I really really REALLY need an end point in sight!

The Ups and Downs

It was only last Friday that I learned I would be on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy. While I had my concerns especially since my doctor informed me that the next step is a nice cozy hospital room, I took the news in stride. My only concern at that point was what would my employer do...see I'd already been working from home for two weeks and I just wanted to know if this could continue or if I would have to go on short-term disability.

I tried not to give it much thought and attempted to enjoy the holiday weekend. But of course I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen come Tuesday.

Finally! Tuesday has arrived and as far as I'm concerned I'm glad to be looking at the back of Tuesday's head watching him wave good-bye! Sigh...yup it was one of those doggy down days.

The good news: I can continue to work from home! So no short-term disability. The bad news: along with working from home comes stress and frustration and oh, let's not forget our good old friend Ms. Micro-Manager. Ugh!

Needless to say a lot of tears were shed today trying to explain how I felt to those close to me. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get the feeling that though family may empathize and sympathize and try to understand the stress of work, ultimately, they have their own opinion of what they think is best (i.e., continuing to work for the next 3.5 months). And of course this is in direct contrast to what I feel is best.

Personally since I am the one carrying a little one, I feel that my opinion is the only one that matters. But I must admit it really sucks feeling like no one truly understands what your going through. At the end of the day stress and frustration are not good for anyone but especially a pregnant woman on bed rest.

I guess for now I'll take it one day at a time and see what happens but I can't help but feel that maybe, just maybe I could make a better decision for myself and my little one.