Change is a Must Growing Up...Not So Much

I'm back! Well not really. I've been cheating on this blog with my other blog. My alternative blog chronicles my journey of pregnancy and of course post pregnancy, motherhood.

Anyway, I had a conversation not too long ago with some folks and was slightly offended about where it ended and or led to. I left the conversation wondering if I was really a dry biscuit? Meaning a person who doesn't really know how to have fun or someone who is too uptight. Yea in my opinion that definitely doesn't describe me.

Personally, I know a lot of people who do a lot of club/lounge hopping, drinking, traveling, etc. Now the latter, traveling, I can totally get with. In fact despite myself and Hubby about to be parents, I definitely think we should do more weekend getaways. And of course, I'd like to do more traveling with my friends. HOWEVER, I draw the line at club/lounge hopping and drinking. Now don't get me wrong I thoroughly enjoy wine, but I don't get twisted off my ass every weekend just cause. I'm too old for that and quite frankly its just not me. So, call it what you want, I just don't get down like that.

I guess I'm starting to want to involve myself with people who share my interests. Not that I don't have people in my life like that now, but I kinda feel like folks in my life have preconceived notions of me and what I like to do. Not knowing that in true Gemini fashion I change a lot and I change constantly. So, one minute I may not like something and then the next I'm totally into it.

Problem is, I'm not exactly trusting of people so that makes it hard to meet new people and make friends. But I think in order for me to be happy especially going forward I guess I have to take the plunge and be a little more open and trusting of folks. Ugh...good luck to me :) Then again, since I'll be a new Mommy I'm sure I'll be meeting all kinds of new people which will force me to open up and talk to folks. So, I guess I'll look forward to it. :D

Out with the Old and Into the New

Hey folks! So I hate to be a Debbie Downer or Negative Nelly today in my blog post but I need to vent. Feel free to click the 'x' and move on...trust me I won't be offended.

So I'm starting to realize some relationships that I held in a high regard are crumbling from the foundation. When this happens it really makes you wonder what was it built on in the first place and why you invested so much time and energy into the relationship. I mean it could be my emotionally charged pregnancy hormones, but I feel some type of way! GRRR!

I mean for real for real, I feel as though a lot of my relationships are not reciprocal. There's no give and take on both ends. I find that I'm the one giving and these "friends" are just taking. Well you know what in 2011, I just can't do it no more! I'm truly starting to see things differently and for most folks in my life its not a good look. Some have already been cut off and believe me more cuts are on the way.

Okay moving on...I still hate my job! Ugh! Though I have some hopeful prospects on the horizon so I'm hoping that in the next couple of weeks I'll hear those magically two words YOU'RE HIRED! I definitely need a change because I'm going crazy here!

Okay moving on again....as I go further into my pregnancy journey I'm starting to realize that things that seemed so important prior to preggo-ness are just not anymore. I won't give specific examples, but let's just say I plan on lightening my load very soon. I'm about to take on a huge responsibility and probably the most important one I'll ever have...raising a child. So sorry stuff I used to think was important. You'll be taking a back seat to my little one. HE needs me way more than you do.

Okay I'm done being Suzy Sourpuss....at least for now! :)

Til next time bloggers!

When BFFdom Goes Out of Style

Hey folks! My lack of blogging is not a lack of desire to do so but just lack of topics of interest. In case you haven't caught the theme thus far, I blog about things that are on my mind on in my heart. I guess I just haven't anything of significance to share....well I do but some things are a little too much info for the blogosphere.

Anyway, I've noticed that my relationships with people I considered close to me are starting to change or have changed. Most of the changes I can safely say I am not happy with. But I try to be positive about people who I deem close to me exiting my life or pulling away from me in one form or fashion....

In fact, I have a my very own friend mantra: some friends are here for a day; some for a season; and others for a lifetime.

It's funny to me (well not really) how the girlfriend I've known the longest (we go back to pre-school) I barely talk to. In fact, I don't really consider her a friend...more of an acquaintance. She's a sweet as pie, but I guess we just grew a part a long time ago. Once you've grown a part can you ever really grow together again? My answer: probably not.

As I reflect over my 28 years, I realize that many of my "friends" are people that were in my life for a season. Now I know I'm not the easiest person to be around sometimes, but all in all, I still consider it a pleasure (for the most part) to be in my company. Truthfully, I can only see one of my friends being in my life for a lifetime. I have mixed emotions about that; in a way I'm ecstatic because my girl has been right there to talk me off the metaphoric ledge and celebrated the good times with me. She totally accepts me for who I am, but she's not scared to tell me girl you wrong. So its nice to know that I'll have someone like that in my life permanently. However, its also nice to have more than one person (outside of God and family) to share your thoughts with, hang with, etc. But these days I'm more of a flow wit it kinda girl plus I find that the less people know ya bizness the less DRAMA you have...LOL. So, I don't see any people being added to my friend repertoire anytime soon.

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the people in my life, but sometimes I feel like my relationships are unbalanced or one-sided if you will. BFFdom is a two-way street and a lot of times I feel like I give more to those friendships than the other parties do. In the past I've blamed it on technology, i.e., folks just preferring to text me, FB me, tweet me, etc. But real talk: people make time for things they want to make time for. I mean sometimes you don't really feel like picking up the phone and having a 2 hour conversation when you have so many other things going on. BUT, every now and again, it doesn't hurt to pick up the phone, or drop by to see how your friend is doing. I admit, I too have been guilty of the I'm the kinda friend that will only hit you up using technology so don't expect to hear my voice for at least 3 months, but I am making a very big effort to do better and hopefully my friends will too.

Life's too short folks and non of us are Benjamin Button! And that is my friendship confessions :)

Now I have a question: do you think in your late 20's and beyond you still have BFF's?

Can't Save the Unsaveable

Morn-ting everyone! So this blog is a follow-up if you will to my last one. So my last blog had a big message, a message that apparently a lot of folks needed to hear. I got a lot of feedback on it...thanks for reading! And more importantly, thanks for receiving the message.

Unfortunately, when I birthed my last blog, the inspiration behind it was only a single person. It is not surprising however, that this person is probably not even reading, and even if they did read, they probably wouldn't receive the message.

So in the spirit of closure I will say this, to me, being a true friend to someone is pointing out that they don't have a parachute when they are about to jump off a cliff. However, after laboring about my feelings on this particular friend's choices, I've decided that sometimes you just have to let the person jump parachute-less and all. It pains me to do this because it goes against what I typically would do, but I've come to a point where I feel like I've done all I can....maybe too much! I say that because I feel this person keeps me at a distance, I guess maybe they realize that what I'm saying is true, but they just refuse to face it...stubborn ass!

If you are content in wondering the forest of life without a flashlight, be my guest. Personally, I wish I had more friends like me. Because if you can't save yourself, then I certainly can't save you.

Oh well, such is life. Sad that folks gotta learn the hard way. I pray that they do indeed eventually learn because only fools make the same mistakes over and over and over again and expect a different and better outcome.

Signed,

A FORMER Fool

Shifting Your Perspective

So yes its my birthday! YAY ME! The nerve of me coming to work today on MY day...I can't even remember the last time I did such a thing. I personally believe your birth date is your personal holiday. But alas I'm counting down to my honeymoon/vacay so I had to save some leave...so here I am!

As I was driving into work today...slightly pissed about coming into work my whole attitude suddenly changed. I started to feel thankful for even having a job to come in to. Feeling blessed to have such a wonderful, thoughtful and loving partner in my husband. And feeling great that I have such awesome friends. So my negative attitude stopped dead in its tracks and I took a little moment just to thank God for living to see 28 years of age and just for everything HE has done for me and continues to do for me.

So, my purpose in writing this blog is to share this blessing: although things can always be worse, for those of us that have a real relationship with God, even when things look bad, God is just making the circumstances just right for things to be not just better, but AWESOME and WONDERFUL beyond your comprehension! Hopefully this will put a smile on your face if you're feeling down :)

Happy Memorial folks! Have a great long weekend ON PURPOSE!

Seeking Clarity...AGAIN!

Hello there!

This is my first blog so welcome and I hope you come back! If not well, it was nice of you to lurk anyway.

So for about the 5th time in my life I'm seeking clarity. In the past I've sought clarity on relationships and love. This time I'm seeking clarity on life. See a lot has happened this year (I's married now! lol...and the death of a close loved one) that has made me question my perspective on things....one of which is how I view people.

Don't get me wrong, I have some GREAT people in my life (shout out to my grad chap, my LSz, and my BFFs...yall kno who yall are, family, and last but not least my new hubby) BUT a lot of times I find myself trying to be everything to everyone and I'm slowly starting to realize that it just doesn't work that way. Honestly, for a huge part of my life I've been running to and from trying hard to make folks happy but I wasn't really making ME happy. And on the reals, I'm sick of it. I feel unappreciated! And at the end of the day if I'm ever laid up in an ER with an IV in my arm, there are only a hand-full of people that will be there for me. Those people are my priority and everyone else can just fall in line!

So, in thinking about my new attitude, some key things I plan do to are:

1. I'm returning to my old straight to the point, blunt and sarcastic self
2. NO more sparing people's feelings; sometimes the truth hurts...sorry!
3. My top two priorities are my relationship with God and my husband. Everything else is and will be secondary.
4. I will do a better job of living my life like there is no tomorrow because no one knows their check-out date.